Shame might be far from the first thing that comes to mind when you think about what's causing your problems. Shame is hidden, and rarely something we talk about, but it can underlie challenges that we deal with on a daily basis, including anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. This book will help you understand what shame is, how it arises and, in turn, how to overcome it. With exercises in each chapter, it provides tools to reflect on, confront and free yourself from shame. The book also includes a questionnaire to assess how much shame impacts you. Be kind to yourself and rediscover your empathy for yourself with Confronting Shame.
Ilse Sand a psychotherapist, public speaker and bestselling author of Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive world. She specialises in counselling highly sensitive people. She is based in Denmark.
1: The Nature and Function of Shame The anxiety in shame You can be unaware of shame Situations that trigger shame The difference between shame and guilt A shame reaction is an alarm Shame is a social emotion 2: Chronic Shame Arises from Inharmonious Interactions When the feeling of belonging vanishes Self-esteem and sense of self Feeling truly seen A distorted mirror Attentive mirroring leads to inner support Lack of mirroring leads to an absence of self-support 3: Shame can be a reaction to a hole in your sense of self The fear of vanishing into a void Serious holes in our sense of self Lack of solid ground 4: Shame holds you back A difficult conversation 5: The false self as a defense against shame Success strengthens the false self The fantastic, invincible false self Shame about longing for love The false self can't stand intimacy Anger and contempt as a defense against intimacy Get out of a fairy tale Down and back home PART TWO Tools A vicious circle must be broken 6: Get to know yourself better Ask others for feedback How you receive feedback Film yourself Experience yourself from the inside Get in touch with an even deeper level of yourself Go into psychotherapy or take a course in self-development 7: Get close to your shame Working on your inner scenes of shame strengthens your sense of self Shame is a relational emotion Be cautious and choose your listener with care Take small steps when anxiety looms Shame after being verbally assaulted Shame about a lack of strength and energy 8: Give thought to whom you spend your time with Your childhood family Find good models Direct your attention to the healthy inner voices 9: Establish friendly contact with yourself It's not you there is something wrong with Don't obey fear From shame to guilt Rediscover empathy with yourself Write to yourself in a loving manner Through sorrow and on to self-compassion Afterword: Let emptiness bloom Are you hampered by shame? Test yourself Take the test with a grain of salt To those of you who score low Advice to those who score high Find the right helper An enormous opportunity for growth Bibliography Acknowledgments
Learn to understand and overcome your shame to live a happier life
