It begins harmlessly. Parents chatting on the playground compare their babies first milestones: "Has Erin started talking? Addys already using five-word sentences!" Inevitably, Erins mom and dad feel anxious. Later, as report cards, standardized tests, tryouts, playoffs, auditions and social cliques fill their childs world, parents anxiety intensifies. The older kids get, the more competition they face, whether in sports, academics or the arts. Hovering in the background is the race for admission to a top-tier college. To help panicky parents deal with the torrential emotions stirred up by our competitive society, and to give them scientific knowledge about their childrens growing years, leading child researcher Wendy Grolnick and educational and parenting journalist Kathy Seal offer this illuminating and accessible guide to channeling competitive anxiety into positive parenting. While evolution has given parents a genetic predisposition toward this protective anxiety whenever their children face todays heightened competition, the authors guide parents to avoid pushing and pressuring, turning their fear instead into calm guidance. Distilling the results of thirty years of research in child psychology, the authors focus on three essential feelings—autonomy, competence, and connectedness—which parents can foster in their children to maximize the childs chances of success and minimize family conflict. They explain that granting kids autonomy lets them feel that they can solve their own problems and are responsible for their own actions. At the same time, providing structure gives kids the guidelines, information, limits, and consequences that they need to act in the world, instilling them with a feeling of competence. Finally, support from adults in the form of time and other resources provides children with a necessary feeling of connection and helps them internalize the ideas and values of their caring parents. Reassuring and empathic, Grolnick and Seal show parents how to avoid the burn-out—in both parents and children—that afflicts so many in our highly competitive society, while raising children who thrive and excel.
Wendy S. Grolnick, PhD (Longmeadow, MA), professor of psychology at Clark University, is one of the nations leading parenting researchers. She has conducted pioneering studies on the role parents play in childrens motivation and achievement. Dr. Grolnick has been interviewed on National Public Radios The Public Eye and is frequently quoted in Parents magazine, Family Circle, and Newsday, among other journals. She is the author of The Psychology of Parental Control in addition to many scholarly articles. Kathy Seal (Santa Monica, CA) is a nationally known parenting journalist and coauthor of Motivated Minds--a Los Angeles Times bestseller. Her articles have appeared in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Family Circle, and the Columbia Journalism Review, among other publications.
Parent Panic: It Takes You by Surprise; Why Now? "Our Kids Are Competing All the Time"; Its an Animal Thing, When Our Hardwiring Goes Haywire; The Big Take-over: How Our Feelings Pull Us to Push; Beyond the Carrot and the Stick: Fanning the Flames of Your Childs Inner Passion; Rx for Intrinsic Motivation: Encouraging Your Childs Autonomy; The How-to of Autonomy; Stand by Me: Maximising Your Involvement; "What Do You Expect?" Channelling Anxiety into Rules, Guidelines, and Information; Calming Down: "That All Sounds Very Nice, But How Can I Use These Techniques When Im Feeling So Anxious"; Index.
"Well done, authors. I am going to recommend it to the parents in my practice." -- Dr. Romance blog, February 2, 2009 "In this absorbing and well-written book, Grolnick draws on scientific research to prescribe a less controlling approach. And every time the reader feels tempted to dismiss this gentler approach as "just being nice," Grolnick brings in the numbers to prove her point." -- The Republican, Springfield, MA, February 23, 2009 "Their relevant examples are followed by suggestions that should help readers to deal with their own situations. [It] is loaded with valuable advice school administrators can offer to parents who find themselves in similar circumstances and who want only what is best for their children." -- The School Administrator magazine, September 2009
"A first rate book. Even we sports fans who think competition can be good for kids have to admit that this book illuminates those moments when beating the other kid, or besting the family down the block, is distinctly unhealthy. The advice it offers to parents who feel real pain at such moments, who dont know how to control their own longing to succeed through their children, is the most sensible I have ever read.”--Jay Mathews, Washington Post columnist“… required reading for all parents who want what is best for their children. They will be surprised and grateful for the many insights it provides on what really motivates kids. It is highly readable, scientifically grounded, and serves up generous helpings of valuable and practical information.”--Dr. Lawrence Balter, professor of applied psychology at New York University, parent educator, and editor of Parenthood in America: An Encyclopedia
